It's interesting how a one week vacation can change your perspective.
I spent a week with some wonderful people. John's family. These people do not share my beliefs. I had never thought it to be a big deal before. I consider myself open minded and don't have a problem with other people's beliefs and am usually fascinated with them.
We did not attend church on the 28th of June because we had arrived in Utah too late and just couldn't get up and get going. Not usually a big deal to me. By Friday, I was so frustrated and angry and ready to go home. I was yelling at my kids, yelling at my husband and ready to run away. Then I went to a BBQ with my cousins on Saturday. They are all active members of the church. By the time I had left the BBQ I felt completely different. I felt happy and renewed again. We went to church on Sunday. Again, there was a renewal and a real sense of camaraderie. I needed that.
All the little negative comments and digs about the church and the LDS people really got to me more than I ever thought it would. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ! I also love the culture of the LDS people. Quirky sometimes. Annoying sometimes. But I love it. I love everything about the church and the people in the church. I need them.
So now that I am home I have decided to rededicate myself to the Lord. I am going to try to focus less on the world and more on the Lord and what I can do for Him. I have rededicated myself to scripture study. I have rededicated myself to prayer. And I have rededicated myself to service.
I'm sure that all the negative comments about the church were to try to convince me that it was all false. It had the opposite affect. Now I feel stronger.
I did a lot of reading while I was out there. I read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. There was a part in there that I read that I will share because it really changed my perspective on things. This is lengthy but bear with me.
Under the topic of Sexual Morality, C.S. Lewis is talking about getting help for chastity problems but he refers to other virtues as well. He says...
"You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection."
I found that to be so profound. So often I beat myself up because I haven't attained this or that virtue or habit. But 'enduring to the end' means getting up and trying again and again and again. It's about humility. I don't think we can ever truly 'get it' until we understand that we depend on God for everything. We are and have nothing without Him.
It's time to let go and let God. In all things. Not just a select few things. Time to be done with Pride. At least to try and try and try to be done with it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I think it's wonderful that instead of letting the negative comments drive you away from God and church, you are instead using them to move closer!
Awesome post! So glad to have you back I sure have misseded you!
I'm sorry I didn't get to see you. :(
Welcome home! Thanks for sharing this. It was exactly what I needed to read today:)
Post a Comment